For What One Cannot See

My Life

Last Wednesday my girlfriend broke up with me, she told me she couldn’t be with me anymore, but she still cares a lot about me and still wants to be friends. I basically became bi-polar with emotions once that happened going between depression and frustration. I kept talking to her about it to why she no longer loved me as much as she did, apparently something just changed and it was just gone. Whenever I talk to her she usually mentions how she couldn’t handle my situation as she didn’t like how my mom, not by choice, basically made it very difficult to do anything or go anywhere because I rely on her for transportation. I found a way to fix that as I’ve had a job for a bit and just recently managed to have enough money to buy and car and gain almost total independence. She still tells me she can’t right now and doesn’t know if she ever could again, which makes no sense to me. I’m only human and I make mistakes, I’ve chosen to better myself and do more as I’d go insane just sitting there after this happened. I continue to talk to her and she doesn’t even understand her emotions and I’ve told everything I possibly could from how things would be different this time, not wanting to fix us, but a better us, how much she means to me, how much I’m not going to give up on us no matter how much it hurts or tough it is. She wants some distance right now, so basically we can still talk, but just a normal conversation and not about us, I feel if I give her that distance I’ll lose her for sure and us will never be again. I don’t understand how we went from the best thing in the world to nothing, she told me I was different, she loved me so much that even I may not even know how much she really loves me, she wanted to marry me and so did I. This is why I haven’t given up on us, I don’t understand how something like that can just happen so I continue to fight for us even if she can’t or doesn’t see it anymore, She has mixed emotions and has trouble thinking, I feel like she’s lost and I need to find her or she’ll be consumed and I’ll never see her again. She has a penguin stuffed animal and she bought me one as well to symbolize us, penguins stay together forever, That’s another reason why I can’t give up or let go. I also made a long letter for her and it says how much I love her and what I love about her and way, I poured so much into that letter I then put into a cute book. She also has this friend which she always thought of him as a friend and when he wanted to date her they got into a fight or something and he didn’t talk to her for a long time then like 3 months ago? he matured up and apologized and started talking to her again and they are friends again, but he still likes her from what I can tell and since this happened he’s been there for her and she feels chemistry between them, I feel like she’s just putting her emotions on a convenient situation and she feels lonely and he’s there for her to talk to so she’s getting feelings for him now when before she told me they’d never work out and she’d only ever see him as a friend. That’s seems like a good summary of it all. It’s possible I could just be stupid about all of this, but I can’t help it, I love her way too much, if it didn’t mean that much to me I wouldn’t still be fighting so hard. It’s been one week since that day and I haven’t given her that letter yet, I’m not sure if there’s any point to try using that right now as she seems too attached to him and being quite dismissive of me because of that, I want her to be happy, but I also want her so badly, I don’t want anyone else..

Don’t be weak, Do something before you lose the someone and that chance forever.

Don’t be weak, Do something before you lose the someone and that chance forever.

This is why you don’t give up and use all of your strength to fight and climb your way out, It’s worth fighting for.

This is why you don’t give up and use all of your strength to fight and climb your way out, It’s worth fighting for.

(Source: weheartit.com)